our boys coping

Also...on a lighter note...here is how the boys deal with pain...by being boys...oh how I love them and oh how I love that when they came out dressed like this my hubby could not help but laugh and laugh hard!

grief

I have never struggled with a death as much as I struggle with this...I think it's because I can just feel right through my husband's heart and feel the pain...I feel for him.

I remember the times that I wish I had just made an extra effort to be closer to JR...to insist that he spend time with my children and that they have a close relationship to him...don't get me wrong they were close with their pappy but not like it could have been.

Anyway, it's too late for all of that and now I'm just here left with some broken folks...including me.

I thought I would blog because well...it's 12:01am and I am still sitting here going through picture after picture creating a DVD of his life...I wonder...why is it that this hurts me so bad...those of you who know my relationship with JR know it was a love hate thing...I always loved him but sometimes we did not see eye to eye...then I remember "two become one"...I am hurting so badly because I am sharing my husbands pain...

"A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" Ecclesiastics 4:12

"Two shall become one flesh" Matthew 19:5

More pics of JR

Loss of JR

So yesterday Shawn's dad JR was found dead at his home. I cannot believe this is even happening...while my husband handles arrangements and details I am at home loving on our boys...I'm sure that is what he would have wanted but in a quest to find a picture for the obituary I found these pics of him and thought I would share:

M-I-C-K-E-Y Jake is 3

Oh today we celebrated my little

guys 3rd Birthday...hard to believe...

We celebrated in Nana's backyard with treat bags, mickey mouse

cupcake, a water balloon launcher and t-shirt craft...it was a blast!

Homeschooling at the park

Today we packed up and did our lesson plans outside at the park...the alphabet, storytime, numbers, colors, The 4th and 5th creation day subtraction, addition, etc...all taught outside...it was great! So this is why I am loving Homeschooling...this is how we learned subtraction and God's creation:

IT"S GONNA EAT ME...

So Jacob has this new saying where he runs and yells "It's gonna eat me" to pretty much anything God created besides humans. It all began with the poor innocent lab's at my Aunt Brenda's that just wanted to play. He yells so much that I have began to stop responding...after my heart raced as he screamed that a fly was crawling up his leg the other day I just learned to ignore.

Today in the car coming home from our Homeschooling field trip to the Park Jake screams in this gut wrenching scream...It's gonna eat me! I'm like Jake...no screaming...Ben says Jake stop...then I hear Ben go "umm mom this is serious...I mean very very scary...there is a huge spider going up Jacob's shorts" So...I again don't respond because Ben has the tendency to exaggerate (I have no idea where he gets that ;) ) Jake continues to scream and say It's eating me...so I pull over and get out ready to beat him (just a figure of speech not literally folks) and there is a monster spider climbing up his leg that looked kind of like this...

I killed it and SAVED THE DAY! Then kissed my lovebug and apologized for not believing him...

Some photos of our week

After only 15 minutes of instruction Ben can play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the keyboard...slowly but accurately...way to go Ben

Evan is sleeping lots...not sure why...he just is...I would say he is awake less than 5 hours a day...anyone have any input on that...he wakes up to eat and I've tried playing with him...he just seems sleepy...for now unless other problems arise I'm going to just watch him and count the blessings of a schedule that seems to be working...

Here are the beautiful flowers growing in front of the building...part of the boys science predictions and observations on Monday

Move in week...social survival...and higher learning

Ok it's Tuesday...I know things may get tougher but for now I am loving this home school; stay at home mom life...I can guarantee you I work harder than I ever imagined I would.

Today we experienced an earthquake...I didn't feel a thing...seriously...not a thing. I was so busy trying to get my "mommy chores" done in my 1/2 hour of free time that I just missed it.

One thing I do miss is my Honey...Shawn I miss you so much...shout out to my hubby right now...he has worked and worked and worked getting ready for the school year.

Every August my wonderful husband rushes around to prepare the campus for some 600 students that invade this quiet town. The students change from year to year and have ranged from a bunch of sweeties some years to the nasty hoodlyms (my own word) you could ever meet. It's so interesting to watch them all come in...the social scientist in me just gets tons of entertainment out of it...here are my latest observations (please don't take offense...just the funniness of it all)...yes I said funniness...

You can always tell the rich kids from the poor kids...why? When their parents move them in they park wherever they darn well please even if it's blocking a fire route, street, driveway, sidewalk or access to pretty much anything...they just don't care. This year three very expensive SUV's parked immediately blocking all of University Drive (the only access through campus) I just watched from the sidewalk as my boys played...they sat there watching folks drive over sidewalks just to get through talking on their bluetooth headphones and screaming at their children to hurry up and get their "crap". It's amazing to me how it seems the more you have the less you appreciate (obviously there are a few exceptions to this rule)

I love watching the college students as we come in the cafeteria...they kid of just stare like what is a family of five doing in here for every meal....my boys they always find a couple "friends" and it is imperative that at every meal they point and shout "there's my friend" upon their arrival and throw them air fives, air kisses, peace signs and whatever "street" stuff these kids have taught them...:)

It seems that the most beautiful girls on campus...stunning girls...walk around with their head looking down...I wonder why? I just want to run up to them lift their heads and say "you are so beautiful God loves you hold your head high"...instead I try to influence little by little as to not cause my hubby to lose his job and therefore the roof over his head.

Although high school was last year these students come in as if they are still in high school...they immediately form little clicks and start the gossip...oh how I could show them that these things will pass might as well be real and kind to everyone!

Is it a defense mechanism to keep them safe in their minds (less opportunity to get hurt while you are part of a "herd") I'm not sure...what I do know is this year I am determined that even if it's only done through a smile or encouraging word I'm gonna love on these students especially the outcast...there should be NO OUTCASTS anywhere let alone an institution of higher learning...oh and I've been told my punctuation on this blog sucks...oh well I type as I think and the "..." works for me...:)

Magic Eraser oh how I love thee

Ok so may I just shout out to magic eraser...I have had the worst time with our bedroom shower...it looks so yucky all the time...ick! Even when I clean with bleach, kaboom, etc. I just cleaned half of our shower and I'd post a pic if it wasn't so embarrassing...it is SHINING!

My thoughts on homeschooling...proceed with caution

"Children are born persons. They are not born good or bad, but with possibilities for good and evil." Susan Macaulay

I never realized what home school parents go through when it's time to discuss back to school. At the supermarket...around campus...in our day to day activities there is always someone ready to ask Ben if he is getting ready for school. "Are you ready for school?" they say..."How's mommy doing with you `going away' to school?" In which Ben usually replies mommy is teaching me at home. Immediately 8 out of 10 times the conversation ends abruptly and the conversation changed to something else...as if the first day of school is much more exciting for a student attending school. I just never realized the bias...and maybe I have participated in it in the past; I'm just not sure. Indeed, I do not plan to home school Ben forever; unless of course I go through and teach myself most of what I learned in grade school. I am sure that although I am an intelligent person and have earned a bachelor's degree I have forgot the important things I would need to teach him and in about three years he would outsmart me...maybe I will spend the summers learning all the basics again before I teach it to him...not sure...what I am sure of though is this:

My son is excited to home school. He is not doing this against his wishes; he wants to home school. I believe I can provide as equal; actually I might dare to say a better education than what he would receive in public school and teach him principles of the bible.

Something else that has crossed my mind...am I indoctrinating Ben by teaching him the word of God and our beliefs on the world...ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I seriously thought about this...maybe schooling Ben at home and teaching the word of God would cause him to walk away from everything when he becomes at an age to make his mind up on whether he will serve God or not. The more I think about this concept the more I conclude Ben is going to make a decision (unless God comes back before Ben is at that age)...and he is going to learn from someone how to understand his world...for me...I believe God wants that someone to be me and his daddy.

I say all this not to upset parents who are opting for schooling their children in the public schools or private schools...I ABSOLUTELY am in TOTAL SUPPORT of the school system...I have a great deal of respect for teachers...I taught two years of school myself and know that they deserve a pay trade (similar to the game of life...switch salary cards) with all the pro athletes in the world...and I also believe there is so much socialization and advantages to school...so please don't take me wrong...just felt like sharing my beliefs...I print this blog out and I'm so interested to look back on this in 20 years and see if I still feel the same way...we'll just have to see!

Just when I thought I was gonna lose my mind

So the day started with Evan falling from the couch, Jake spilling an entire cup of soap, Ben swearing Jacob swallowed a small ball (still not sure if that's true) and locking myself out of the car.

Then I went to the movies to meet my lovely mother in law who wanted to get all her babies together for a movie (she's so sweet) and the movie theatre charged me 9 dollars for Jacob,,9 dollars folks...then poured my $4 soda flat froma stinkin warm 2 litre bottle...then Jake wouldn't sit for the movie and after many stares from others, one spilled popcorn (mine) and 4 bathroom breaks (not kidding the kid legitimitely went to the bathroom 4 times in 30 minutes) I decided I'd take him kicking and screaming and we would sit in the middle of the mall with Baby evan...he screamed and cried and complained for ONE HOUR...then...we go to Wal Mart to get some necessities and got ripped off twice by a little toy vending machine (THIS IS WHY I DON"T GO TO THE MALL FOLKS) Then Evan spit up all over me and I got the car just to think I maybe locked myself out again...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THEN...

We are leaving the mall and at the stoplight there stands a man with a sign (Painter, out of work, will work for food) and Ben asks...Mommy what does that sign say...I tell him...he says why does he have no food I said I guess he doesn't have any money...he says well mommy let's go get him food...I say Ben it may not be safe to wind down the window and give him food...Ben says God will protect you mommy...he's hungry...SO we went to the bank and got $5 out...I said Ben pick where you think we should get food and he said maybe we should just give him the money...so we did! We wound that window down a crack and I handed out the money...do you know what my 5 year old yelled out the window...JESUS LOVES YOU!

So I spent the rest of my half hour ride home crying...so proud...yet so disappointed in my initial response...I guess that's why Jesus saidAnd calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

(Matthew 18:2-6 ESV)

Jello Playdoh

So some may say I'm crazy for making daily messes with the boys but I just love the look on their faces when they are covered in dirt and flour and sand, etc. That's just the way it's suppose to be ya know...I'll save having a clean house for when they are too old to enjoy the fun things like makin Jello playdoh. In about the last five minutes of play doh time Evan decided he wanted to play and screamed his head off till I took him and put his hands in the play doh...I was so impressed at how wonderful this stuff smells without the hand staining mess of the kool aid recipe and the food coloring recipes we have tried in the past...this smells great and does not leave stains everywhere...here is the recipe:

http://www.instructables.com/id/Jello-Playdough/#step1

Look what we can do!

So today we were supposed to go swimming in the Keyser pool. We get there and silence...no one is there...I sit for a half hour until someone kindly lets me in that someone pooped in the pool and the pool would not be opening today...so...instead of floating with turds we headed to Dans Mtn...hopef
ully a poop free excursion but then the storms rolled in...so we gave up and came home...

Evan started rolling from his stomach to his back today...I was excited and scared to death no longer can I let him just chill on the couch...he's slobbering like a rabies filled animal...sorry but that's what it reminds me of...tons of slobber and spit up

every time he eats...oh how I miss the days he just laid there and looked cute...don't get me wrong his cuteness is still too obvious to miss...here he is...

The boys spent there eve painting lids...school supply box lids...they are stunning!

getting stoked about schooling

So I'm really getting excited about homeschooling...weird but true...

I would have never imagined that I would be so excited about teaching my children at home but the thought of my babies being home and learning about God's world at the same time is just really catching on...tonight I worked on their schedule and journals.

Our schedule

Ben's desk is on the way soon from Nana's house and we are very excited.

Ben's super excited about homeschooling and tells everyone mommy is going to teach him at home...God give me the strength to teach them while showing your love...help me to be slow to anger and loving and kind!

Tie dye fun

So today the boys and I hit up the Westernport library for some great fun! Today was tie dye day!

The boys made these with Sharpies and Rubbing Alcohol:

Playdate at the Furnace Playground

Today I met my lovely nephews and sister in law for a playdate...the boys had so much fun!Benjamin scared Jes to death when

he said "there's a snake" (it was just a garbage bag) and he chuckled watching her run away!

Oh Ben...he claims it was not on purpose but his smile shows it all...Jake and Harley enjoyed climbing ladders much too difficult for their little feet...what a blast!

The breeze was blowing and it was just a wonderful time: